Tito Puente
Today at The Death Pool we would like to welcome a legend in Latin music, Mister Tito Puente!
TDP: Tito, welcome to The Death Pool. Heaven, Hell or purgatory?
TP: Thank you for having me and I am in heaven, my friend.
TDP: Excellent work. So do you feel that your other brothers, especially Michael will be following you to heaven?
TP: Pardon me but I think you have me confused with someone else. I have no brother named Michael.
TDP: I know that you would rather not own up to having a brother like Michael with the allegations and all. But you have to at least think Jermaine has a good shot of getting in.
TP: Look here you ignorant gringo, I don't know who you're talking about.
TDP: Maybe this will refresh your memory. Let me sing a couple of bars for ya. ABC easy as 123.
TP: You are thinking I'm Tito Jackson? I was never part of the Jackson 5. I'm Tito Puente. I played percussion. Am I ringing any bells here?
TDP: Tito Puente?..........No not getting anything here but what the hell, since we have you on the line let's hear your story. What happened? How did you kick it?
TP: Well I was just finishing up a show in L.A. when I'm going back stage and Ricky Martin walks up to me.
TDP: Ricky Martin, now him I've heard of.
TP: Figures, you uncultured pig. Anyway, he tells me that I am the reason that he had gotten into music.
TDP: That's it? That's what did you in?
TP: Did you hear me? I am personably responsible for unleashing Ricky Martin on civilization. Have you heard the music coming out of that boy?
TDP: Oh, hell yes. Let me sing a couple bars of that. Livin la vida.................
TP: SHUT THE HELL UP!!!!!! I offed myself so I wouldn't have to listen to that crap anymore. I am full of shame and remorse for what I have done to mankind. Ricky Martin, Jenifer Lopez, Enrique Iglesias, Moby.
TDP: Moby?
TP: O.K. maybe not Moby but the rest of them have given my music a bad name and I couldn't stand to be a part of it anymore. I was thinking of taking up polka music or something just to try and throw them off but have you ever tried to play an accordion?
TDP: It ain't no piece of frito pie.
TP: You aren't kidding. So I am pleading to them here on your massive forum.......
TDP: Um, Tito, we aren't that massive.
TP: What? Isn't this Matt Drudge?
TDP: No. This is The Death Pool. You know we interview you dead guys and in return we send you a shirt or something.
TP: A shirt? What kind of shit is that? Look just try and get the word out. Stop the madness! Listen to Boxcar Willie or something.
BW: Yoooodle HHHHIIeeaaaahhhh.
TP: That redneck is gonna get on my nerves.
TDP: O.K. We will send out an urgent plea for Moby to be stopped.
TP: Not Moby........................Ricky!
TDP: Yeah, whatever. Thanks for sharing, Marlon.
TP: Adios, idiot!
