Sir Alec Guinness

Today at The Death Pool we are honored to have an acting legend, Sir Alec Guinness.

TDP: Sir Alec welcome to The Death Pool and should we call you Sir or Alec or something else?

SAG:  Thank you.  I think for the purpose of this interview you should call me Nancy.

TDP:  Nancy,  Any special reason?

Nancy: I've always loved that name and I once had a puppy with that name.

TDP: Whatever.  So Nancy can you explain how you first discovered that deep rich flavor that is Guinness?  I must tell you that I am enjoying one of your frosty beverages right now and I'm feeling no pain.

Nancy:  I am sorry to inform you that I have no connection with the Guinness brewing company.

TDP:  What?  This is Alec Guinness isn't it?

Nancy:  Yes it is but I have nothing to do with Guinness beer.   Even though Richard Burton and myself did get quite inebriated one night on a case of the stuff and we ended up seriously considering doing an episode of The Love Boat.

TDP:  It was that Julie the activities director or whatever the fuck she was, wasn't it?

Nancy:  Yeah, yeah she was a hot little piece of ass back in the day. Richard kept trying to convince me we could tag team her on the Lido deck.   But then he started getting all sloppy drunk and was talking about how he was going to kick Gopher's ass and teach Doc a lesson.

TDP:  I would have paid to see that.

Nancy:  So would I but Burton fought like a little fairy.   Gopher would have probably annihilated him.

TDP:  So  how did you come to know Richard Burton?

Nancy:  I am an actor, lad!

TDP:  No shit.  Been in anything famous?

Nancy: Well let's see, I was in Great Expectations.

TDP:  Nope, doesn't ring a bell.

Nancy:  Lawrence of Arabia, Dr. Zhivago,  A Passage to India......................................I won an Oscar for The Bridge on the River Kwai.

TDP:  Oh cool, is that the one where you and Jackie Chan are undercover cops and shit and you chase those bad guys over that bridge?

Nancy:  No sorry.  O.K.  I know you've heard of Star Wars.

TDP: Dude you were in Star Wars?  What part did you play?

Nancy:  I was Obi-Wan Kenobi .

TDP:  Get out of town!

Nancy: No shit.

TDP:  I'm interviewing Obi-Wan.

Nancy:  Not for much longer.  Oh shit her comes Mr. Roper.  Watch this.

MR: Hello.....Alec.......I have a few acting questions for you......Alec......

TDP:  Mr Roper this is The Death Pool.  Isn't Alec Guinness still there?

MR:  Oh hello.  I'm afraid not there's only your microphone and what looks like a large plate of head cheese.  Oh well gotta go.

TDP:  Nancy........Nancy......

Nancy:  Right here son.

TDP:  Where did you go?

Nancy:  Nowhere my boy.  You see, I was the plate of head cheese. What do you think of that?

TDP:  You are an acting mother fucker.

Nancy:  Damn skippy.

TDP:  Well I know that you have to have something to do with those Guinness World records.  Cause we have been saving this turd in the toilet in the office just for this interview.  I mean this thing has got to be a record.   It's like 5 foot long.

Nancy:  Sorry again son, no relation.

TDP:  Damn, we have been putting up with that turd for 2 days.

Nancy:  Sorry about that.  Look I really do have to go. The big man has some kind of undercover acting  work for me.  Something about me dressing up like a school girl and infiltrating this whole Mother Teresa sex ring.

TDP:  Sounds dicey. Well you have to sign out with your famous phrase from Star Wars.

Nancy:  O.K........Use the force..................

TDP:  What the hell is that?

Nancy:  I was trying to give my line from Star Wars.

TDP:  I'm talking about the one where you tell Luke that you're his father.  Say that one.

Nancy:  Idiot!!

TDP: Nancy........Nancy......Alec..........Obi-Wan........................................................Head cheese??????????