Seven Sins

Today at The Death Pool we are lucky enough to have the seven sins recently forgiven by the Pope himself. Since the sins have been forgiven, they are technically now dead.

TDP: Sins, Thanks for joining us.

Sins: Yeah, sure.

TDP: We thought that in order to tell you all apart that we would have to give each of you a name. Being as there are seven of you and also seven dwarves....well hell there has to be a connection there somewhere. So if you could state your sin and then we'll come up with a dwarf name for you.

Sin #1: I guess I can speak for the group.

TDP: And you are?

Sin#1: I am The General.

TDP: Oh, General sins, cool. Which dwarf would you like to be?

Sin#1: Look man, this is a really lame idea.

TDP: Come on just play along. It'll be fun.

Sin#1: O.K. call me Doc.

TDP: Awesome. Allright Doc, Heaven, Hell or Purgatory?

Doc: I'm in Hell moron. I was doing perfectly fine, heck we all were. Minding our own business and then the Pope has to come along and dredge us up. He might as well have stuck a fork in my back. We have a new name for him down here.

TDP: What's that?

DOC: Sammy "The Bull". I mean you just don't turn on your homies like that, He may just wake up with a horse head in his bed. If you know what I mean.

TDP: Well what do you have to say for yourself?

Doc: What are you talking about?

TDP: Come on. You are supposed to be begging for forgiveness.

Doc: Beg this! Look fella, I didn't ask for this limelight. Hell I'm not even sure what I did wrong. I'm a fucking general sin. What is that? I mean am I an impure thought.......did I covet somethin...........did I steal.......am I a circumcision.......

TDP: Youch!

Doc: You aint kiddin. So whatever. I'm real, real, real sorry. Now leave me alone.

TDP: Dwarf number 2. Please state your name and your sin.

Sin #2: Uh yeah, I'm the sin in the service of truth and I wanna be Dopey.

TDP: Dopey it is and thanks for playing along. So I understand that you were in charge of the inquisition, the crusades and forced conversion. What's up with that?

Dopey: Yeah, like we were hurtin for some members. If you all would have just played along nobody would have to gotten hurt. But no, I've got the big man breathin down my neck tellin me about quotas I gotta meet. So some folks may have gotten their toes stepped on.

TDP: Toes? I hear it was much more than that.

Dopey: Whatever. It's over with. It's cool.

TDP: Sin #3?

Sin #3: I'm .....uh the sin for christian unity and I'm real bashful.

TDP: Bashful it is. Do you have anything to say for yourself?

Bashful: I'd rather not talk. You see I'm real bashful.

Doc: Yeah, see if he falls for that.

TDP: I can hear you Doc.

Doc: I'm the General you prick.

TDP: Let's move on. Sin #4.

Sin #4: I'm the sin against the jews and I'd like to be sneezy.

TDP: Sneezy it is.

Sneezy: You see cause most jews have really big noses. So they're more apt to be sneezy.

TDP: Do you ever learn?

Sneezy: What? What did I say? I don't know what I've done wrong. So I didn't speak up during the holocaust. It wasn't like I liked what was going on. I was just too busy with.um.........confession and such.

Hitler: Here's your rum and coke Sneezy. I'll catch you at the poker game later.

Sneezy: O.K. cool. Oh shit........You guys didn't hear that did you?

TDP: Sin #5.

Sin #5: Yeah, I'm the sin of no respect of Love, Peace and Cultures. I'm pretty grumpy. I'd rather be Rodney Dangerfield. You know, we could go for the whole no respect angle. The people, they might like that.

TDP: We'll call you Grumpy.

Grumpy: I'm tellin you I get no respect. I called a suicide hotline. They tried to talk me into it. Whoa.

TDP: Grumpy, cut the Rodney Dangerfield crap. Just ask for forgiveness and move on.

Grumpy: When I was a kid I worked in a pet store. People kept askin how big I'd get. I'm tellin you I get no respect. Oh Mr. Pool, your readers are gonna eat this crap up. what do you think?

TDP: Sin #6. Could you step up to the microphone so we can get this idiot moving along.

Sin #6: Haaaa Heee. Oh that whole respect thing was a hoot. Oh man. Pet shop.....I gotta catch my breath......

TDP: #6............................we're waiting.

Sin#6: O.K. I'm the sin of not showing dignity to women and minorities and I guess I'm pretty happy.

TDP: Happy you shall be. Would you like to apologize now.

Happy: Sure. Um,....I'm sorry for all the mean things I've done to women and minorities. Like making those nuns wear those awful dresses and uh........I'm sorry for not being nice to mexicans.

TDP: Now you're just making that shit up. You sins aren't taking this seriously at all. You are supposed to be asking for forgiveness so you can rest in peace.

Happy: Now you look here Mr. Death Pool. We didn't ask for forgiveness. We don't want forgiveness and this whole dwarf thing is really stupid.

TDP: Sin #7?

Sin #7: I'm the sin against human rights and I'm sleepy.

TDP: Finally, a sin who can get straight to the point and beg for our forgiveness. Thank you. Now go ahead Sleepy.

Sleep:ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

TDP: Well, I should have seen that coming.

Doc: Ha ha suckers.

TDP: I hope you sins have learned your lesson. Would you like to say goodbye?

Sins: Shalom!