The Economy
Today at The Death Pool we would like to welcome the United States Economy. Some would argue that it is not dead yet, but we beg to differ. So we thought we would go to the horses mouth and see what it has to say for itself.
TDP: Well I'm not exactly sure what to call you. Are you Mr. Or Mrs. Economy? Or just economy? What will it be?
$$: You can call me Big Throbbin Dick Malloy! Cause I'm handsome, studly, fashionably dressed and feeling as healthy as a fuckin horse. I don't even know why you guys called me here today.
TDP: All right there Throbbin. But you are indeed dead.
$$: No I'm not!
TDP: Yes you are!
$$: No I'm not!
TDP: Yes you are!
$$: No I'm not!
TDP: Yes you are!
$$: No I'm not!
TDP: Yes you are! Look dude we can keep going here for hours and to tell you the truth I'm kinda liking it.
$$: So am I.
TDP: But, like a million people have lost their jobs. The internet is dead. Stocks are in the shitter and you're still trying to convince us that you're not dead.
$$: I'm not. Look why don't you interview Anthony Quinn? He was a fine actor and he's right here with three healthy lookin ladies on his arm.
AQ: Oh no I couldn't. You don't want to talk to me...............O.K. so it all started back with Zorba The Greek, you see it was a desperate cry to my own father........
TDP: SHUT IT QUINN!
AQ: Shutting up.
TDP: Look Malloy, how can I convince you that you are indeed dead? All kinds of companies are closing down. People aren't going to be retiring at 35.
$$: La la la la la la la. I can't hear you. Hey look....Bush!
TDP: I'm not talking to Quinns brawds.
$$: Get your mind out of the gutter nimrod. I was speaking of George Dubya.
Dubya: Hey, how are you folks doing there? Mr. Quinn it's a great pleasure to meet you. Umm sorry that you're .....dead!
AQ: Then I played across from the great Kevin Costner. Oh what a fine young lad he was. But hung like a field mouse I'm sorry to say.
Dubya: What's that?
TDP: Don't worry about Mr. Quinn Mr. President, he's still a little out of it. May I ask why you're here?
Dubya: Well first off I understand that one of your "Cheery Thoughts" was FUCK DUBYA. I would like the ladies to know that I am not available for fucking anymore as I am married. Now that I have that taken care of, I wanted to settle this economy business. Our economy is fine. In fact it's so good that we're going to give everyone big fat rebate checks. How do you like them monkeys?
$$: Rock on with your bad self!
TDP: But isn't that money you're giving out going to bankrupt our social security and pull much needed funds from other worthwhile programs. Like homeless shelters and battered women's clinics and state parks.
DUBYA: Well gotta run.
$$: Dubya???
TDP: Look what have I been tryin to tell you man? You're deader than Disney. Take off those little electrodes on your chest. Pull the plug. Float away.
$$: But I look so good.
TDP: No you don't. Look at your head. Your hair has been falling out. You're doing the whole comb over thing. You're getting a gut. Let's see you run to the other side of the room and back. I bet you get winded. And I'll bet that's a rolled up sock in your pants. Isn't it?
$$: No it's not.
TDP: Come on take out the sock.
AQ: Loose the sock son!
$$: Here you go.
TDP: If it's all right with you I won't be touching that.
$$: So am I ever gonna come back?
TDP: I'm afraid I don't have the answer for that. But from what they have been telling me at my sex addiction class, admitting you have a problem is the first step.
$$: You're addicted to sex?
AQ: That's not an addiction son. That's what I like to call healthy livin.
$$: Let's go get some bush, Quinn.
Dubya: You fellas call me again?
TDP: No Mr. President, they're talking about pussy.
Dubya: Oh, I get that a lot..........I mean not that......I mean not a lot.....um........shit.......give me another tug on that bong.......
TDP: Mr. President we can still hear you.
Dubya: I was just testing ya. Um don't do drugs. Economy is good. Stay the course................gotta run.
TDP: FUCK DUBYA!
