Dot Coms

Today at The Death Pool we would are fortunate enough to have placed another conference call.  This time we will speak with many of the so called "dot coms" who have recently passed away.

TDP:  Hello all and welcome to The Death Pool  First off Heaven, Hell or .CC?

B.com:  We are all in Hell. Now how in the bloody hell are you still solvent?   I mean I've never even heard of you before?

TDP:  And you are?

B.com:  I am boo.com.

TDP:  Oh, that's right.   You are the English fashion .com that plowed through what, about 2 trillion dollars in a week, and then went under?  Well you see we here at The Death Pool have kept our expenses to a bare minimum, only advertising on the asses of the lap dancers at "Smelly Petes' Go Go Parlor and Laundromat".

B.com:  I guess we missed that one.  

TDP:  So why don't you think that you survived, Boo?  Was it that fucked up name.

B.com:  You must be American.  I mean you simpletons will just never catch on.  I mean you love our music,  The Beatles, Oasis,  The Spice Girls......

TDP:  Oh Christ...

JC:  Yes?

TDP: Sorry, not you.

B.com:  Oh come on you know you  loved em all but when it comes to fashion you're clueless.  That's why we went under.  Your gals couldn't tell a frock from a halter top.

BBQ.com:  Here here little lady.  Now don't you start railing against halter tops.  Thems was one of the finest inventions ever thunked up.

TDP:  I see BBQ.com has joined us.  What do you think was your demise?

BBQ.com:  Well it's simple there little fella.  Folks have lost the taste for a fine grilled possum.  That or the fact that we forgot to consider that our target audience.

TDP:  The possum eater?

BBQ.com:  You are a quite intelligent individual.  Yes, you see the possum eater is not very likely to own a computer or if they do own one it probably doubled as a stand for the tube.  Therefore they weren't able to purchase our fine BBQ products.

TDP:  Aha,  I see that Petstore.com is itchin to get to the microphone.

PS.com:  Very funny, prick.  Itchin and pets go together, do they?

TDP:  Why did you go under PS?

PS.com:  It was that fucking sock.

TDP:  The sock?

PS.com:  Do you even own a TV?  The fucking sock.  Pets.com slips a damn sock on some numnuts hand and lets him tool around in a van delivering kibble and shit and now we have to bend over for em.

TDP:  Oh that sock is so cute and funny too!

PS.com:  You gotta be kidding me.  I mean ITS A SOCK!  The advertisers approached us with the idea before Pets.com and I turned em down.  Who knew a fuckin sock would plow us under.  Well screw you all and youre little dog too!

TDP:  I think we have time for one more.  Who is that peeking over your shoulder?

R.com:  Hey, how are you doin, Baby?  It's me, Reel.com.  I was the leader in video sales.

TDP:  So what happened to you?

R.com:  Well let me tell ya sweetheart.  It seems that most computer types don't know how to spell reel.com.   I mean they'd go to real.com and the next thing they know, they're downloading the player and listening to 3WK and watching porno clips.  By the time they even remember they were looking to buy the Wizard Of Oz they'd be spent.  But hey, I'm still a mover and a shaker. I've got some stakes in the fire.  Got a deal lined up with those  Corey boys from the 90s.   They're gonna come back with an all internet movie.  It's gonna be real ........SHIT....REEL HOT!

TDP:  Well we would like to thank you all for sharing.......

DK.com:   MMMMM  uuurmmph  doooga   frakkkk ssschhllummp.

TDP:  Is there someone else?

DK.com:  It's me, Dr Koop.com.  Sorry I had to take the life support mask thingey off my face.

TDP:  But you're not dead yet.

DK.com:  I know but I am on my last legs.  I thought I'd get in on this thing early.  I don't know why but folks don't seem to like us either.

TDP:  You really want to know Doc?

DK.com:  Please.

TDP:  It's the beard, dude.   That Abraham Lincoln thing is freaking us all out.  We can't imagine going to that site cause we see that damn beard and imagine you slippin on a big rubber glove ready to do the deed.

DK.com:  Oh man, I don't have a shot in hell do I?

TDP:  Sorry dude.

DK.com  Can I at least sign off?

TDP:  Go right ahead.

DK.com:  Don't smoke!

TDP:  Fuck off!