Cardinal O'Connor

Today at The Death Pool we would like to welcome his eminence Cardinal John O'Connor.

TDP: J.O. welcome to The Death Pool.  I suppose that we don't have to ask but will do so anyway.  Heaven, Hell or Purgatory?

J.O.: Thank you my son.  I am in Heaven.

TDP: Cardinal, we have many, many theological and social issues we would like to bring up with you but first off please tell us the truth.  What was up with the dress?

J.O.: What's that, my son.

TDP: You know, the sarong.......... housecoat............. that outfit the Pope has you guys dressed up in. Whenever you all get together at a new Pope picking party it looks like a bad off Broadway play just let out.

J.O.: Oh, Mother Teresa told me to look out for you guys.  She said that there might be some tomfoolery afoot with this interview. Actually I tended to like the outfits and I got to design my own crest.

TDP: Cool.  So you could like get your underlings to wear your crest.   Kind of like a gang thing.  Flashing your colors to all the other west coast cardinals.  Show them who's the baddest cardinals in town.

J.O.: Uh, yeah.  I guess so.

TDP: Did you guys have any gang hand signals or secret handshakes?

J.O.: Now look son, I don't think you understand.  It wasn't a gang. We just had our own form of dress much in the same way a military officer or school student would have to dress.

TDP: Or let's say a Fudruckers employee.

J.O.: Now your down.

TDP: So J. now that you are in heaven, we hear that things are a little less than expected.

J.O.:  Well that might be true but the other Popes and a few laypersons have taken me under their wing, if you will.  We have formed a poker night.  I won a bitchin hat the other night. I am a bit disappointed in the whole celibacy issue.

TDP: Yeah, we heard it was a ruse.

J.O.: Yeah,  thanks for letting me in on that little nugget of information.

TDP:  Look dude,  I know we moved our website but you gotta keep up baby.  I mean we're talkin to all the other stiffs tryin to get out the word but would you have really listened if you would have heard that back on earth?

J.O.:  I guess not.  Who was going to believe this piece of crap you folks are putting out. I mean I caught wind of it in the vestibule one day.

TDP: No shit.

J.O.: For real.  Me and the other birds were farting around joking about how we only have to work on Sunday and then Father Stan comes up to me with a printout of the interview you guys did with Mother Teresa and asked if it could possibly be true.  I of course told him there was no chance in hell. I mean look what happened to Pierre Salinger.  Are you going to believe everything you read on the internet?

TDP: Live and learn.

J.O.: Or die and learn.

TDP: Dude, that's too deep.

J.O.: Sorry to crush your melon.

TDP: Thanks.  So have you changed your views on any other things?  What about homosexuals?  I mean down here you weren't too hip with the other side of the coin even though if you don't mind my saying so you guys did wear some flighty jammies.

J.O.: All right layoff of the threads already.  Sure I understand now that homosexuals are people too and that we were all just supposed to make the best of our time on earth. Blah blah blah.  Look son I was just going by what the bible told me.   You know. How was I supposed to know that it was written by.................................................................damn......

TDP: What's up?

J.O.: Well the Popes' have let me in on a little secret about the bible and I'm not supposed to tell.

TDP: You said it yourself man.  Who's going to believe this crap anyway.

J.O.: Too true. Alright the bible was written by.................

GOD: John Boy, time for your bath.

J.O.: Well I guess I gotta go.

TDP: Dude, you gotta tell. Come on man.  You can't leave us hanging like this.

J.O.: Listen man when the "old man" calls you for your bath, you don't putz around. Gotta run.

TDP: Take care and we loved you in All In The Family.

J.O.: Thanks, that meathead was a shitter wasn't he.