Woodstock

TDP: Wood Heaven, Hell or purgatory?

WS: Hell.

TDP: Oh man that's rough. Anything you can tell us about hell?

WS: Yeah Baby, It's not that bad. I've seen a couple of cats down here that have surprised me but I'm glad to see that they have a special place reserved for Dick Clark when he kicks it. I saw Hitler last night but it was kind of cool. Turns out that he has been made someones bitch and you will never believe by whom.

TDP: Who is it?

WS: Pope John Paul I. It's true man. He's got Hitler on a leash and is leading him around kickin him in the balls every once in a while just for kicks. I'm not sure but I think I saw a little pope hat tattooed on Hitler's ass.

TDP: Wow. Can you tell us how you're feeling?

WS: Not too shabby considering. I've got 2nd and 3rd degree burns on several parts of my body but it's all good.

TDP: So Mr. Stock walk us through it. What happened.

WS: I'm still not quite sure. The last few months have been a haze of mescaline, pot and then some yuppie chick blew some Vicks vapor rub in my face. I mean what the fuck was that? I was doin pretty cool until Saturday night when these bands Korn and some biscuits and then Mettalic started playin and all the frat boys in the audience started goin ape shit and throwin stuff at each other and ripping shit apart and I just looked out at this mess I had made and had a coronary.

TDP: Man, what happened next?

WS: Next thing I know I've got promoters in tears and a couple of em are on my chest beating on it like a baby seal yelling don't die you fuckin cash cow you can't leave me now. I guess it was all sort of my fault though.

TDP: How is that?

WS: During the last year or so I just became a little yes man agreeing to all their demands. They'd come to me and say the ticket will be 150.00 bucks and I was in such a haze I said cool. Then they'd tell me that water was gonna be 4.00 bucks and I figure what the hell, kids aren't that dumb they'll share with each other, find a lake or figure it out. But fuck was I wrong. Kids today are just plain spoiled and dopey, baby. I mean if they were stuck in a tent with only a bottle of water and a pack of bologna they'd be at each others throats in an hour.

TDP: Do you have any good memories you'd like to share?

WS: Oh sure ,baby. Hendrix and CSN and even Joan Baez was cool. That first one when we all loved each other and fucked like monkeys and lived out our dreams. But then we grew up and decided to start charging for everyone else to have a dream. 150.00 a pop and hell you gotta eat while you're dreamin.

TDP: Well, Wood our connection is starting to go. Thanks for speaking with us.

WS: No problem Baby and try and love one another and if you can't do that then fuckin rip down your own house or throw somethin at yourself you stupid pricks.

Goodbye until our next guest makes their entrance