Wilt Chamberlain

This week we welcome the great Wilt Chamberlain.

TDP: Wilt, Welcome to The Death Pool.

WC: Oh yeah. Oh shit. Right there mama. Jiggle it.

TDP: WILT!  WILT! ARE YOU THERE?

WC: Hello, hello. I'm sorry hold on a minute....................O.K. go ahead.

TDP: Are we interrupting anything, Wilt?

WC: Nothin I can't get into later if you know what I mean.

TDP: First off WC, Heaven, Hell or Purgatory

WC: Heaven, baby.

TDP: So tell us Wilted, what happened?

WC: Man, I was in the sack with four fine brawds you know doing my usual. Then they all say "Come on Wilt do it again." I stand up and my heart goes ding and I drop to the floor like Buster Douglas. Next thing I know I'm at the processing station.

TDP: The processing station?

WC: Well yeah, I'm goin up to the big man with the book and he asks my name. I said Wilt and he goes God damn it's about time. We've got these horny ass nuns up here that been dyin to meet ya!

TDP: So are you handling the awesome responsibility?

WC: Well you know me. I feel like a hundred dollars now and the old ticker aint no longer a problem so you gotta do what you gotta do.

TDP: Any surprises since you've been in Heaven?

WC: Not yet. I've had to kick some ass, though.

TDP: What for?

WC: Well I'm handlin my business and then bam, I've got a couple of priests sneakin into the sack with me. I aint into that shit so I had to low ball a few of em.

TDP: Low ball?

WC: You know, an uppercut to the testicles. Just to let em know that Wilt was in town.

TDP: Aha. What do you think is your finest accomplishment Wilt? Is it the hundred points or one of your many other basketball moments?

WC: Oh hell yes I'm proud of all that but I would say my greatest achievement was the pleasure and joy that I brought to so many of the fine ladies on earth. Yet my greatest feat was never published.

TDP: What was that?

WC: I shouldn't because we did have a pact but I guess all the bets are off now. O.K........I brought Bea Arthur to climax.

TDP: Damn.

WC: Hey, it wasn't easy man. I had to pull out all the stops. Dress up in little outfits, bring in fruits and berries and I even had to do the deed but I got the job done. Cause you know it is always more important to satisfy the woman than yourself.

TDP: You are a giving man Wilt.

WC: I would like to think so. But there are some cold hearted mother fuckers up here, man.

TDP: How so?

WC: Here I am tryin to get my schmoove on with Lady Di and the next thing I know George C. Scott and Norman Fell are telling me I gotta go to the gym. I mean who the fuck are they. I told em to kiss my sweaty ass and continued to pursue the lovely lady. Speakin of that, there she goes. I gotta catch up with her royal freshness.

TDP: Thanks for your time Mr. Chamberlain and we all enjoyed you in Shogun.

WC: On the Flipside!!