Willie B.

Today we would like to welcome for the first time an animal to The Death Pool. Ladies and gentlemen may we present Willie B.

TDP: Willie, first off why don't you explain to our readers who you are.

WB: Oh fucking great just what I need. To do a few more tricks for you simple ass humans. O.K. retards. I am a gorilla, a proud animal from the jungle. A fine specimen meant to roam the earth and tend for my family in peace and harmony only worrying where to find my next meal that was LOCKED IN A FUCKING PEN IN ATLANTA FOR ABOUT  40 YEARS!

TDP: Mr B. you still seem to be a little upset.

WB: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH perceptive little prick aren't you. Let me ask you somethin. Have you ever gone to the bathroom?

TDP: Sure.

WB: Try stayin there for 40 years, you imbecile. All I had was The Price Is Right to keep me entertained. If I could get my paws on that condescending fuck Bob Barker, I'd neuter hiss ass.

TDP: Sorry Mr. B. So are you in Heaven, Hell or Purgatory?

WB: Neither.

TDP: Neither? Where are you?

WB: Not in..... A CAGE IN ATLANTA! You humans think you have it all figured out don't you. You think there are only three spots you could land after death.

TDP: Are you telling us there's more?

WB: Allright genius, I'll speak a little slower for you. YES! Damn, I gotta explain everything to you morons. You see when gorillas die they go where they've always dreamed.

TDP: Where's that?

WB: We're hangin out with none other than Michael Jackson.

TDP: What?

WB: Did I stutter? This cat has it all baby. We're frolicking around slinging poop and sleeping with Mr. Jackson in his bed. Instead of ......A CAGE IN ATLANTA!

TDP: Isn't that a little dangerous?

WB: Nice attempt at a pun, nimrod.

TDP: Thanks.

WB: Sure, sometimes you have to sleep with one eye open cause he's trying to cop a feel but beats the hell out of a ......

TDP: CAGE IN ATLANTA! We got it. So I guess that's why his marriages haven't worked out with you guys being in the bed all the time.

WB: Sure. I heard from the others that that little Elvis chick refused to sleep next to my man Bobo so she called it quits. But Bobo tells me he goosed her a couple of times just to egg her on. He's a trip.

TDP: So I guess the pertinent question would be are you happy now?

WB: Check out the big brain on Brad. Pertinent. You're a pisser. Sure, I'm happy cause I'm not in...... A CAGE IN ATLANTA!

TDP: So any final thoughts, Willie?

WB: Sure, when you simpletons go to the zoo from now on, do me a favor.

TDP: What would that be?

WB: Change the fucking channel.

TDP: No problem. Anything in particular?

WB: Yeah, rollerderby. We can never get enough of that crap.

TDP: So long Mr. B.

WB: Peace!!