Werner Klemperer

Today at The Death Pool we would like to welcome Werner Klemperer, star of Hogan's Heroes.

TDP:  Werner, welcome to The Death Pool.  First off the name Klemperer is that foreign or something?

WK:  Well thank you and yes, it is foreign.  I am from Germany.

TDP:  Oh so then you must know Hitler.

WK:  No I am proud to say that I did not know Hitler.

TDP:  Stalin?

WK:  He was Russian.

TDP:  Mussolini?

WK:  Italian.

TDP:  Man I feel like a salad.  O.K. so Heaven Hell or Purgatory?

WK:  I am glad to say that I am in Heaven.

TDP:  No shit.  I mean you were the commandant at a nazi prison camp.  How did you pull that?

WK:  That was just a part I played on television.  I wasn't really at a prison camp.

TDP:  Dude you're blowing my mind.  You mean to tell me the whole thing was a hoax?

WK:  No son.  It was a show.

TDP:  Like "The Real World"?

WK:  Kind of except it was scripted with sets and such.

TDP:  Stop fuckin with me Klemperer.  I mean you had the whole world thinking that you guys were actually in Germany.  It looked so real.   You guys are good.  Wait till this gets out.  I think we have another major scoop here at The Death Pool.  HOGAN'S HEROES WAS FAKE EVERYBODY!  So that whole thing with the tree stump tunnel and the coffee pot microphone....

WK:  That's right son.  It was all done on a sound stage in California like most TV shows.

TDP:  Most shows??????

WK:  You don't actually believe that all TV shows are real do you?

TDP:  Well......yeah.

WK:  Just ask your next question.

TDP:  Man you're blowin my bean.  I mean I know that Richard dawson was on Family Feud but I figured that was done at a mall or something after they escaped from the camp.

WK:  Next question please.

TDP: And I mean Bob Crane got all those fine ladies because they thought he was locked up in that camp for such a long time.  Right?

WK:  Ask a fucking question you simpleton.

TDP:  Werner no need to get testy.  O.K. O.K. I've got a serious question for you.  Strudel....now what is that exactly?

WK:  Are you serious?

TDP:  The world's waiting to find out.

WK:  I'm dead.......in Heaven and you want to know what strudel is.

TDP:  You got it.

WK:  It's a shoe.

TDP:  No shit.  Now would that be like a loafer or more of a boot?

WK:  IT'S NOT REALLY A SHOE!

TDP:  You're doing it to me again.  Then you were just joking about the show being fake weren't you?  Damn you're good.  I can see how you made it to the rank of Commandant.  So how did you do that?  Did you go to like night school or something?

WK:  I'm out of here.

TDP:  Can you take classes for Commandant on the internet?   Cause I think I could do that.  Check it out...........HOGAN!   I've got the scream down to a science.  Plus you get to wear all those cool coats.  I think I may take that up.  What do you think?

WK:

TDP:  Werner???.......I guess that he had to stop another escape attempt.  Man that's the life!

Well there you have it. Goodbye until our next guest makes their entrance.