Requests
Today at The Death Pool we have decided to go through the mail. Yeah, yeah, we know. It's about fucking time. So here it comes. All those requests will now be fulfilled.
TDP: Today at The Death Pool we've rummaged through our mail and made special arrangements to speak with all those people who have been requested through The Death Pool mailbag. First off we have the incomparable Mr Francis Albert Sinatra.
FS: Thanks a lot junior. It's about damn time you got around to me. I mean you had a damn chimp, a golfer, and a fucking flag on before me. I have a good mind to have you rubbed out.
TDP: We meant no undo disrespect Mr. Sinatra. It's just that.....well, we were a bit nervous to speak with you.
FS: Nervous? Look son, it's not like I'm gonna ask you to blow me or nothin. Just show me the respect that I deserve. Now get on with your silly interview.
PH: Yeah, come on Mr. Pool. I got chunks of shit bigger than you in my stool.
TDP: Who is that?
FS: It's that idiot Phil Hartman. He follows me around everywhere I go imitating me.....Get out of her Hartman or I'm gonna stick a bullet in your brain.....Oh yeah that's already been done.
TDP: OOHHH that was a good one Frank!
DM: Come on Frank we've got Marilyn doin backbends in the hot tub.
TDP: Is that Dean Martin?
DM: Sure is sonny. Now I gotta pull blue eyes out of here for some serious squeeze time.
FS: Let's roll Dean.
PH: Yeah let's go Dean. Ba ba ba baboom.
FS: Dean, could you be a dear and smack Hartman for me?
DM: Sure thing Frank.
TDP: Next up we have Gene Rodenberry, the creator of Star Trek. Gene, are you there?
GR: Hold on a second son I'm just finishing up with 90210.
TDP: 90210? Aren't you a little above that?
GR: Oh I can't get enough of this shit. I mean Star Trek, give me a break. who ever thought that goofy ass story would get off the ground. I just slapped it together hoping to get some quality sofa time with some of them fine extras.
TDP: Didn't you feel that the Enterprise was a microcosm of life as you knew it at that time.
GR: What? Chasm schmasm. I was trying to get laid junior. Hell, my wife came up with all that philosophical bullshit while I was hammerin Soldier number 3 behind Spocks chair. Oh I gotta run Jerry Springer's on. I tell you that man should be President or something.
TDP: I see that Abraham Lincoln is coming up to the microphone. ABE, LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!!
AL: What, what?.........
TDP HHHOOOO HAA, you actually fell for it.
AL: Very funny, prick.
TDP: I mean we all though we'd try and that you might flinch or something but you looked like a little girl there for a second.
AL: Do you have any questions?
TDP: Like did you actually think that John Wilkes was gonna come up behind you again and.......oh shit.......LOOK OUT ABE!!!!!
AL: I'm not going to fall for it .............................................frooooompsh...........
TDP: Bonnie and Clyde, why did you whack him in the head like that?
B&C: Cause that fucking bit was running too long numskull.
TDP: Sorry. I thought you two would definitely be in Hell.
B&C: We were but you know no walls are gonna hold us in for too long.
TDP: So you two are on the run again?
B&C: That's right........Oh shit here he comes.
TDP: Who is it?
B&C: The devil, who do you think?
TDP: Let's see if we can get a word with him. Um...devil.....Mr evil....um devil.....excuse me...
Devil: Oh The Death Pool, you guys are great. I love this shit.
TDP: You mean you've read our stuff?
Devil: Oh hell yes.
TDP: Good plug.
Devil: Thanks. We got wired a couple of years ago. DSL, not too shabby of a connection. But look I gotta take Bonnie and Clyde back to the house.
TDP: Well it would be an honor if you would say good night to the folks.
Devil: Well don't mind if I do..........DAMN YOU ALL TO.......no that wouldn't do......let see........FOLLOW ME OR..........no I need something really catchy.......HELL HATH NO FURY LIKE A..........no no let's see............... I got it............SEE YOU ALL SOON!!
Well there you have it. Goodbye until our next guest makes their entrance.
