Payne Stewart

This weeks guest is golf pro Payne Stewart!

TDP: Pain, first off Heaven, Hell or Purgatory?

PS: Heaven.

TDP: Good work my friend. So tell us; is it true that you, Payne died in a plane over the prairie.

PS: That is true. I did die in a plane over the prairie. Yet I do believe that I didn't die till I plowed into the prairie.

TDP: Aha. So Payne died in a plane when he plowed into the prairie.

PS: Correct.

TDP: So tell us what happened.

PS: Well I feel kind of stupid.

TDP: Much like say.....................JFK JR.?

PS: Oh fuck no. Come on man at least give me some props.

TDP: Sorry go on.

PS: I was practicing my swing.

TDP: On the plane?

PS: Sure. I need to constantly keep on the ball. So any way my agent is calling me a fairy and saying that he can't get me any fucking endorsements saying shit like I was just a gimmick with faggy pants. So we made a little wager.

TDP: Oh no.

PS: Oh shut up. I bet him that I could ping the ball off of the captains noggin from the back of the plane.

TDP: What the hell were you thinking man?

PS: Well he started it with all that talk about my knickers and all.

TDP: Knickers. He ha.

PS: Fuck you. So anyway, I ask him for a wood and level the sucker up to the ball. I cock it back and follow through.

TDP: What happened?

PS: I nailed the sucker. Right in the bean. Next thing I know the ball careens off his skull and through the front window like I was playin bumper pool or something. My agent gets sucked out the window and I'm laughing like a stoned teenager who just mooned a nun. We start diving into the prairie at 400 miles per hour and I realize that I had hit my final putt.

TDP: Dude, you nailed it though.

PS: Fuck right I did. Smacked him clear in the temple.

TDP: So what was the deal with the pants anyway, did you lose another bet?

PS: You guessed it you prick. That Golden Nazi, Jack Nicklaus bet me that I couldn't hit a putt one day.

TDP: What would you have gotten?

PS: Well it was either me or him in the faggy pants as long as we were in pro golf. I tried to get him to go double or nothing for a flowery blouse but he wouldn't take me up on it.

TDP: Well Pain you will be sorely missed.

PS: Thanks.

TDP: Take care and we all loved you in Mr. Smith goes to Washington.

PS: That was Jimmie Stewart you moron.

TDP: Shit, ...........Later.

PS: Keep it real!