Mother Teresa
Since we have not had any recent departures, we here at The Death Pool have decided to get in touch with some of the current residents of the beyond. We have been lucky enough to get in touch with our latest guest.
The Death Pool would like to welcome Mother Teresa:
TDP: Mrs. T. welcome to The Death Pool.
MT: Fuck off!
TDP: This is Mother Teresa is it not?
MT: Fuck off?
TDP: Is there something wrong Mrs. T.?
MT: Yeah, I'm fuckin pissed.
TDP: What are you so angry about T.?
MT: I didn't want to come in here and rant and rave about how you earthlings dicked me over.
TDP: What are you talking about Mrs. T.?
MT: Oh don't act like you don't know. Here I go working my whole fucking life to save the sick and impoverished and here this little strumpet Dianna kicks off a couple days before me and she gets all the fuckin press. I was an afterthought. I mean what the hell did she do? Went to some dinners for AIDs patients. Big fuckin deal. I was in the trenches baby. I was changing diapers and growing turnips in the hot sun and what did I get? Nada, zilch, nothing. That fat fairy Elton John writes a song for her and the pope couldn't even pen me a fuckin limerick.
TDP: Have you seen Dianna since your arrival?
MT: Oh sure. She tried to come up and say hello but I cold cocked the whore. Smacked her dead in that pointy nose. It was funny as hell. You should have seen it. She was whining like a kitten caught in a door.
TDP: But T. I thought that you were in it just to help people out?
MT: Oh sure. I figured that heaven would be a little tougher to get into. So I was working my ass to the bone to get in. Now I'm up here and this place is easier to get into than Chi Chi's on dollar margarita night. I mean where the fuck is St. Peter and that big book? Every time I see him he's passed out with Joan of Arc both of em slumped in a pile of vomit and sex.
TDP: Have you found anything good about heaven?
MT: Yeah, I'm making up for lost time, baby.
TDP: What do you mean?
MT: I was celibate my whole life and come to find out that it wasn't worth it. There are some pissed and horny nuns and priests up here. Turns out the big man has a sense of humor and that was all a joke. So I'm on a rampage.
TDP: So have you had any luck?
MT: Yeah, but I'm not quite the looker that some of these other whores are so sometimes I gotta settle. Oh, shit there goes River Phoenix. Look I gotta go I've been trying to bag him for a month. I think he's about to give it up. If you see that bitch Di, tell her she better watch out.
TDP: All right Mrs. T., thanks for spending some time with us.
MT: Solid.
