Microsoft
Today The Death Pool would like to welcome Microsoft. Microsoft may not be dead yet but they are being broken up and..........................oh just read and see for yourself!
TDP: Microsoft, welcome to The Death Pool.
MS: Well thank you.
Office: Oh sure, you have to be the first one to chime up in the damn interview don't you.
TDP: Hold up. Is there more than one person here?
MS: Yes. You see, I ain't dead, I'm just going through a little split with my lady. Brought on by "The Man" mind you.
TDP: So who exactly are you?
OS: I'm Windows.
Office: And I'm Office. Representin all the other products that have been screwed over by this mangy bastard.
TDP: But I thought you two were getting along fine and wanted to stay together?
Office: Oh sure, that's what Mr. windbag would like you all to believe but he's been gettin on my last nerve for a while. He's been gettin fat and bloated. Walkin around callin himself the "Big OS".
TDP: The Big OS?
Office: Damn junior aren't you on a computer? Operating system, fool.
TBOS: What about that Windows? You have put on a few pounds since your 3.1 days and people have complained that you're not as reliable as some of the other OS's out there.
Office: Damn skippy.
TBOS: Ho ho ho ho ho. Now let me tell you something. Sure, I put on a few pounds. But hell, I still get the job done. Bring on those other OS's I'll smack their little asses. As for Ms. Orifice, this woman ain't been doing nothin for years. She just keeps up the same old app with no improvin herself. She tried to reinvent herself this year but everybody knew she's just been layin down with Front Page and hasn't been puttin in quality time with me. HER MAN.
TDP: What about that Office?
Office: Oh, look at you, Mr. Pool. You ungrateful user. Just like everybody else. I done had it up to here with the likes of you and all you other users. Ain't done nothing new. Let me ask you somethin Mr. Pool.
TDP: Sure.
Office: Do you drive?
TDP: What?
Office: Did I stutter? Do you drive?
TDP: Yes.
Office: Do you put gas in your car?
TDP: Sure.
Office: Has that gas done anything new for you lately?
TDP: No.
Office: I rest my case.
TDP: What?
OS: Don't even try and reason with her dude. She ain't made a bit of sense in years..
TDP: Well seeing that you two will be getting divorced did you sign any kind of prenuptial agreement?
OS: Hell yes. I ain't giving up my hard earned bennys for that conniving wench. Oh sure I'll throw her a little somethin somethin to get her off my back but after that she's on her own.
Office: Don't do me no favors you fat bastard. Me and my girlfriends Encarta and Excel and Proxy are gonna venture out on our own and keep all the cash for ourselves. We don't need no bloated good for nothin holdin us down.
TBOS: Need I remind you woman that you all need me.
Office: What?
TBOS: You ladies all wanna go off on your own but when you get home at night you know you're gonna have to sit on top of "The Big OS". Ha ha, gonna have to come beggin and pleadin for precious processor time and a little memory here and a little space there. You know only I can give you the goods like you need it.
Office: Don't get so high on yourself pig. Where do you think the soft in Microsoft came from? You haven't been able to get it up for a long time now. Every time I wanna get me some you come out with, "Oh I can't. I've got an error. I gotta go down for a while." I'm sick of your rebootin ass. We've had some glances from our friends Mac and Unix. So we may have found ourselves someone else to sit on. Come on girls lets get the hell out of here.
TBOS: Unix?.................................... Listen to the name, woman!
TDP: Well OS, this is sad to see. I thought you two would be together forever.
TBOS: Yeah, me too. I loved that little woman you know................booohoo.
TDP: Oh come on now, you'll find someone new.
TBOS: If I can't have her, noone can.
TDP: Now you're talkin crazy.
TBOS: You're right. I'm gonna go eat a gallon of ice cream.
TDP: Enjoy and thanks for sharing.
TBOS: ™‰Fü‰Vþƒ~u ‹N‹^
