It's time for our annual Deathpool mixer. This is a chance for most of the people who kicked off in 2000 to get together and give us their predictions for 2001. This year with the help of our new corporate sponsor "SchmegAway" we are fortunate enough to have video conferencing. So without further delay....

                                      Deathpool 2001

TDP: Hello all and welcome to The Death Pool 2001 Mixer!

ALL: Hello Mr. Pool.

TDP: I hear someone at the microphone so let's get started.  Who is that?

DH:  It's me Doug Henning.

TDP:  All right Doug, any predictions for 2001?

DH:  Sure, I predict that David Blaine will bury himself under Oprah Whinfrey's dress and never be seen from again.

TDP:  I can believe that.

DH:  Hey, you want to see a trick?

TDP:  Sure.

DH:  Alright watch this....Shalla  ma zooo hooppidy digg flo...POOF.

BB:  Henning you pull that shit again and I'll crack you square in the nuts.

TDP:  That was genius Doug.  Let me just explain for the folks at home.  You just pulled Billy Barty out of your pants.  Oh Billy I think you've got a pube caught on your necklace there.

BB:  That's it Henning it's go time.  I predict that Henning is my bitch before the night is out.

TDP:  I think we better move on.  I see we have two actors coming up to the mic.  Why don't you introduce yourselves.

SAC&SJG:  I'm Sir Alec Guiness and I'm Sir John Gielgud.   Watch this.

TDP:  Guiness is getting on Gielgud's shoulders.  All right gentlemen what's going on?

SAC&SJG:  You have to guess what we are.

TDP:  Two old flames on top of each other?

SAC&SJG:  Very funny...We're Big Sir.....get it......ain't that funny.

TDP:  No.  Predictions gentlemen.

SAC&SJG:  We predict that there will be no more acting.   There will just be reality based shows and the biggest hit of 2001 will be the security camera in the Playboy mansion shitter.

TDP:  I'd watch that.

SAC&SJG:  We need another drink.

TDP:  I see that Konrad Kujau the man who forged Hitler's Diaries is coming to the mic and he has something in his hand.  What is that Konrad?

KK:  That would be the State Flag of South Carolina.

TDP:  What are you doing with that.

SCSF:  Help me!!!

TDP:  What's wrong Flag?

SCSF:  Watch.

TDP:  OOOOOOOHHHHHH MMMMMYYYYYY GOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDD!!!

GOD: What?

TDP:  Sorry dude, not you.

GOD:  Keep it down I'm trying to catch Letterman.

TDP:  Konrad why are you uh.......how can I put this................let's see....making love to the South Carolina State Flag?

KK:  I love this flag.  I mean it stands for everything that myself and the big H stand for.

TDP:  Prediction idiot.

KK:  I predict that South Carolina will adopt the Nazi flag as their own and then President Bush will move there.

TDP:  Let's move along.  We certainly have a kicking band this year.  I think we'll introduce them and get predictions as they solo.   On vocals we have Screamin Jay Hawkins.  Screamin, any predictions?

SJH:  I predict that The Backstreet Boys will mate with Nsync and create a new supergroup named 98 degrees.

TDP:  That's already been done.

SJH:  Shit.

TDP:  On backup vocals we have Big Pun,  Big what up?

BP:  I predict that Michael Jackson will put out a rap album of all his favorite Disney tunes tryin to get that younger crowd.

TDP:  Good one.  On percussion we have Tito Puente.

TP:  I predict that Ricky Martin plays your Presidents inauguration and gets shot by none other than the guy who played Epstein on Welcome Back Kotter.

TDP:  O.K.  On bass we have from The Cars Mr Ben Orr.

BO:  I predict that Ric Ocasek  gets his head stuck in the props of a helicopter and is dropped somewhere over the Atlantic ocean.

TDP:  Good one ....on piano we Mr. Victor Borge.

VB:  I would like to predict that we could take Rage Against The Machine in a street fight.

TDP:  Victor, are you sure about that?

VB:  I'll kick that little Zac bastard down to size.  It's time to get real.

JC:  You gotta leave him alone for a little while he's still bummed out about Rage breaking up.

TDP:  Joe C from Kid Rock's band.  Sorry that you had to go.   Is Victor Borge really that shaken by the Rage news.

JC:  Oh shit man he's been crying like a baby for weeks.  He's been insisting that we call him The Renegade of Funk and shit.  It's gettin real old.

TDP:  Well while we have you here, do you have any predictions?

JC:  Sure,  I predict that me and Billy Barty get to tag team Hedy Lamarr.  She's gettin loaded on peppermint schnapps as we speak.  Thanks for the booze.

TDP:  Don't thank me, thank "SchmegAway".

JC:  Speakin of that you gotta get a case of that shit up here soon for that demon Alex Comfort.  He's getting more tail than Derrick Thomas and Doug Fairbanks Jr. combined.

TDP:  Let's speak with Mr. Comfort.  How are you sir?

AC:  Hello there again Mr. Pool.

TDP:  Any predictions from you on the sexual realm?

AC:  Let's see.....I predict that Bill Gates gets laid this year.

TDP:  Never happen.

AC:  I know but I've got him on a longshot.

TDP:  What the hell is that flying around the room?

WB:  It's my shit!

TDP:  Willie B. the monkey from the Atlanta zoo.  Why are you throwing your shit around the room?

WB:  Old habits are hard to break, dude.  I predict that those new pandas at your National Zoo in Washington D.C. rise up and eat President Bush ten days after he gets into office.

TDP:  Good deal.  As usual all the jocks are huddled together.   Gentlemen.....gentlemen what are you staring at?

TL:  We still can't believe the size of that dick on Derrick Thomas.   I mean damn, chop it in half and you still got twice as much as me.

TDP:  Tom Landry there you are,  any predictions?

TL:  I mean that damn thing is huge.  It could split a......

TDP:  All right all right. Any predictions?

TL:  I predict that Dallas wins the superbowl.

TDP:  They're already out.

TL:  Fuck off then, I need some more Jack Daniels.

TDP:  I think we have time for one more.  James Quayle, can we get a prediction out of you?

JQ:  Sure, I predict that my son will someday be President of The United States.

TDP:  Are you serious?

JQ:  Fuck no.  Haaa Heee he couldn't direct traffic much less a country.  Somebody put a helmet on that boy.

TDP:  Well thank you all. 

Well there you have it. Goodbye until our next guest makes their entrance.