The Death Pool is the
nether
region where we get to speak to the recently deceased in an
interview setting. We have access to these entities
through special NSA approved communication devices to
the three final resting-places known to man as Heaven, Hell
and
Purgatory.
New Orleans
Today at The Death Pool
we are fortunate enough to have the city of New Orleans. We
realize that New Orleans is not dead however it was on life support for
a few weeks and it was at this time that we conducted this interview.
I am trying to be proactive and shit.
TDP: New Orleans, it is great to see you. To tell you the truth we here at The Death Pool thought you were an absolute goner.
:
Well thanks darlin,
now be a dear and hand me some of that absinthe.
TDP: That's what I'm talkin bout, if anyone deserves a drink right now it has to be you. Here you go and iksnay on the absinth........ehhhh oppellayyyy on the bsinthineeeeeeeee oooookkeeeeenoopppyyynoowww on the ohhh screw it I never understood that pig-latin shit.
:
No problem sweetie and I won't say a word. GLUG GLUG
GLUG...............Sweeet Mary's Ghost... Awwwwooooo.
TDP: So take us through it. What happened?
: It all
started very innocently. I was laying
out by the pool and Mother Nature comes over.....
TDP: Mother Nature?
:
Hello, baby.
TDP: Hey Mother.
: So we
were hanging out and Mother decides she's going to go down on me.
TDP: Now that's what I'm talkin bout. Give me some of that chick on chick action.
: Contain
yourself Mr. Pool. Anyway, Mother tells me she wants to try out
something new and starts gently blowing on my.....
TDP: OH hold on, I heard about this. Only thing is that I heard if you blow up a chicks cha cha that she'll die.
:
First off, a "cha cha"? I make something that exquisite and
you call it a cha cha?
TDP: How about a noo noo or a po po?
: We
heard that you weren't that bright Mr. Pool but please try and follow
along.
TDP: Sorry.
: That's
all right baby, even dumb guys get laid. How else do you think
Bush got reelected?
TDP: Thievery?
: Maybe.
Anyway Mother is blowing away and then we are going to town.
I'm bucking up and down on the deck chair and she's making these
really neat whistling noises with her lips. I start throwing my
legs around her neck and she's chugging away and then I made a very
large faux pas............Mr. Pool.....Mr. Pool........Mr. Pool.......
pull your pants back up.
TDP: But you two are.............and ....and.........oh....ok.........You didn't do what I think you did.
: She
called me Uma.
TDP: Uma??????................. that's not even close. Even though she is a damn fine specimen. I can see myself going.......
: Try and
focus there Mr. Pool.
TDP: Sorry.
: I just
had those visions of Uma in Henry
and June and it kind of blurted
out.
:
Blurted out my ass. She was screaming it at the top of her
lungs. She did it on purpose.
TDP: Why would she do that?
: She
thinks I've been blowing around all the islands and Cuba and haven't
been showing her any love. So she said it just to hurt me.
But damn those latin honeys are firey and fun.
: And
what am I darlin, I'm fiery, I'm fun. Have you ever been to my
Mardi Gras? Have you spent a night naked on top of a grave in
mid-city, have you ever danced at Cafe Brasil till dawn, have you ever
rolled through the streets with a krewe drinking Abita and singing at
the top of your lungs, have you ever closed Snake and Jakes,
have you ever lost yourself in a haze while
walking my streets and come face to face with your hopes and fears all
in the same instant?
: I
guess......your right..................I have neglected
you............I
did take you for granted. ....................I'm sorry about
blowing too hard.
: That's
okay.
TDP: Hot damn. I've got an Oprah moment right here on The Pool.
: Don't
go overboard Mr. Pool.
TDP: I'm sorry, are you going to be OK?
:
I'll be all right sugar. New Orleans will always be all
right. I have people cry, murder, love, urinate, dance, sing and
die on me all the time and I"ll always go on.
TDP: Damn baby, how do you stay so positive? I mean, you had the shit kicked out of you and then the governement abandoned you while you were flooding and it looks like you were forgotten..
:
Thanks for picking me up.
TDP: Sorry about that.
:
I'm just messing with you. Look baby, have you ever been
swimming before?
TDP: You have seen my name, correct?
:
No need to be a smart ass there Mr. Pool. You may have
gotten your Oprah moment but you don't have her coin, okay. Do
you remember that first time you ever went under the water without your
parents assistance?
TDP: Yeah......it was kind of.......
:
Liberating?
TDP: Yeah.
:
That's kind of how I feel. I realize now that aint nobody
going to come to my defense. I have to do things for myself,
darlin. Sure, I am going to get some money from the governement
but that's kind of like throwing money at a prostitute after you've
beaten the hell out of her or in Bush's case, after you watched
somebody else beat the hell out of her.
TDP: I know you can do it.
: Thanks
darlin, now you run along and tell all your readers that Mother and I
made up and that my makeup has run and my hose are a little torn and I
have several rips in my dress but just watch because I clean up real
good.
: She
certainly does.
TDP: Peace Nola.
: PEACE
Come on back....we make a fresh batch every week!
Now you get a vote....Would you like to hear from:
Don Knotts
Coretta Scott King
or
Dennis Weaver
???????????
Send us an e-mail with your suggestion in the subject line and I will keep you updated. Voting ends tomorrow at noon.
Previous
Death Pool guests:
TDP: New Orleans, it is great to see you. To tell you the truth we here at The Death Pool thought you were an absolute goner.
:
Well thanks darlin,
now be a dear and hand me some of that absinthe.TDP: That's what I'm talkin bout, if anyone deserves a drink right now it has to be you. Here you go and iksnay on the absinth........ehhhh oppellayyyy on the bsinthineeeeeeeee oooookkeeeeenoopppyyynoowww on the ohhh screw it I never understood that pig-latin shit.
:
No problem sweetie and I won't say a word. GLUG GLUG
GLUG...............Sweeet Mary's Ghost... Awwwwooooo.TDP: So take us through it. What happened?
: It all
started very innocently. I was laying
out by the pool and Mother Nature comes over.....TDP: Mother Nature?
:
Hello, baby.TDP: Hey Mother.
: So we
were hanging out and Mother decides she's going to go down on me.TDP: Now that's what I'm talkin bout. Give me some of that chick on chick action.
: Contain
yourself Mr. Pool. Anyway, Mother tells me she wants to try out
something new and starts gently blowing on my.....TDP: OH hold on, I heard about this. Only thing is that I heard if you blow up a chicks cha cha that she'll die.
:
First off, a "cha cha"? I make something that exquisite and
you call it a cha cha?TDP: How about a noo noo or a po po?
: We
heard that you weren't that bright Mr. Pool but please try and follow
along.TDP: Sorry.
: That's
all right baby, even dumb guys get laid. How else do you think
Bush got reelected?TDP: Thievery?
: Maybe.
Anyway Mother is blowing away and then we are going to town.
I'm bucking up and down on the deck chair and she's making these
really neat whistling noises with her lips. I start throwing my
legs around her neck and she's chugging away and then I made a very
large faux pas............Mr. Pool.....Mr. Pool........Mr. Pool.......
pull your pants back up.TDP: But you two are.............and ....and.........oh....ok.........You didn't do what I think you did.
: She
called me Uma.TDP: Uma??????................. that's not even close. Even though she is a damn fine specimen. I can see myself going.......
: Try and
focus there Mr. Pool.TDP: Sorry.
: I just
had those visions of Uma in Henry
and June and it kind of blurted
out.:
Blurted out my ass. She was screaming it at the top of her
lungs. She did it on purpose.TDP: Why would she do that?
: She
thinks I've been blowing around all the islands and Cuba and haven't
been showing her any love. So she said it just to hurt me.
But damn those latin honeys are firey and fun.: And
what am I darlin, I'm fiery, I'm fun. Have you ever been to my
Mardi Gras? Have you spent a night naked on top of a grave in
mid-city, have you ever danced at Cafe Brasil till dawn, have you ever
rolled through the streets with a krewe drinking Abita and singing at
the top of your lungs, have you ever closed Snake and Jakes,
have you ever lost yourself in a haze while
walking my streets and come face to face with your hopes and fears all
in the same instant?: I
guess......your right..................I have neglected
you............I
did take you for granted. ....................I'm sorry about
blowing too hard.: That's
okay.TDP: Hot damn. I've got an Oprah moment right here on The Pool.
: Don't
go overboard Mr. Pool.TDP: I'm sorry, are you going to be OK?
:
I'll be all right sugar. New Orleans will always be all
right. I have people cry, murder, love, urinate, dance, sing and
die on me all the time and I"ll always go on.TDP: Damn baby, how do you stay so positive? I mean, you had the shit kicked out of you and then the governement abandoned you while you were flooding and it looks like you were forgotten..
:
Thanks for picking me up.TDP: Sorry about that.
:
I'm just messing with you. Look baby, have you ever been
swimming before?TDP: You have seen my name, correct?
:
No need to be a smart ass there Mr. Pool. You may have
gotten your Oprah moment but you don't have her coin, okay. Do
you remember that first time you ever went under the water without your
parents assistance?TDP: Yeah......it was kind of.......
:
Liberating?TDP: Yeah.
:
That's kind of how I feel. I realize now that aint nobody
going to come to my defense. I have to do things for myself,
darlin. Sure, I am going to get some money from the governement
but that's kind of like throwing money at a prostitute after you've
beaten the hell out of her or in Bush's case, after you watched
somebody else beat the hell out of her.TDP: I know you can do it.
: Thanks
darlin, now you run along and tell all your readers that Mother and I
made up and that my makeup has run and my hose are a little torn and I
have several rips in my dress but just watch because I clean up real
good.: She
certainly does.TDP: Peace Nola.
: PEACECome on back....we make a fresh batch every week!
Now you get a vote....Would you like to hear from:
Don Knotts
Coretta Scott King
or
Dennis Weaver
???????????
Send us an e-mail with your suggestion in the subject line and I will keep you updated. Voting ends tomorrow at noon.
Letters Cheery Thought O The Day
Send questions, comments, naked pictures of Uma, requests etc. to: wamland@middlemostpost.com
Middlemostpost 
